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| Photo credit: concernforanimals.org |
What is the definition of stepparent? Is is more than just being the spouse of someone's mom or dad?The biggest difference in parenting vs. step parenting is instinct. I didn’t know this until I had my son. I know that parenthood is a different experience for everyone but for me, it was life changing. Some adoptive parents out there probably disagree because they love their child as much as I love mine. Adoptive parents are raising their children in every way, not taking care of them while someone else (in my case, my husband and his ex-wife) makes the major decisions. Sure, “my house, my rules” is always there to protect my sanity after a week of all three of my step kids being at their mom’s house. When it comes to the big things though, like how old before makeup, dating, driving, what sports to concentrate on, what friends they can hang around-- I didn’t and still don’t really get a say in any of that. A unique and complicated relationship comes with caring for children, cooking for them, cleaning up after them, protecting them, and then watching two other people plot the course of their lives.
Imagine a picture of lion with her cubs. That is what parenting my son is like for me, instinctual. When I say instinct, I mean basic, gut, animal instinct. Parenting step children is more analytical. You think more about how things will affect you. The photo I have posted here reminds me of parenting my step kids, two opposite worlds trying to find not only common ground, but to build a loving relationship that really is different than that of a traditional parent/child.
Great post on the potential differences between parenting and step-parenting. I've never been a step-parent, but I know that parenting my biological children has been an extremely analytical process for me. I always consider all the potential ramfications of my words and actions on each of my children, my (ex)spouse, and myself. Sometimes I go so far as to analyze *each word* I say before it comes flying out of my mouth. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be if I had to throw another consideration into the mix...and such an important one to my kids!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post. I am not a stepparent but I have a stepfather. He is a wonderful man and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I know he went through a lot when he decided to join our family. I was 17 and my sister was 12 and these are particularly hard ages for girls. He handled it the best he could and today me and my sister love him for it. Keep fighting the good fight.
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